it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His hands were made for my vagina.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
