Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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