they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
