Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
