I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
