3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just threw up on my dentist
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
