yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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