I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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