I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
