margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
