dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
