my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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