In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
