"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
