Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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