Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
