I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
