I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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