He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
