I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
