I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
