How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
