I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
