I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
