I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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