I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
