when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
