he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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