with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
