The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
