the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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