i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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