Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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