i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
