How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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