I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
