You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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