my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
