So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
