Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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