I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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