i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
