the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
