oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
