She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
