I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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