This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
