eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
