HIV tests are more positive than that guy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
