A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
