Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
