Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
